Life is overwhelming right now.
In past entries, I’ve expressed a desire to be stable in my life. Stable with some sort of job I enjoyed for the time being, as well as stable in a relationship.
I have both right now. I like my new job, even though it is retail management. I keep trying to tell myself what Amanda told me- that it takes a certain person to stay in retail and succeed.
I’m engaged, and while I’ve been told by friends that it’s refreshing to hear how sure I am about the whole idea of marriage, my Dad keeps saying, “Wait until the day of the wedding… you’ll be nervous then. Right now is when the groom should be nervous.”
But Dan isn’t nervous. My Dad even said Dan doesn’t seem nervous about the whole idea of marriage.
I’m trying not to analyze that thought and jeopardize the stability of what I have right now.
We have a plan. I’m going back to school- it’s a sure thing. Next fall, after the wedding, I’m going to start taking real estate classes in the evenings and on my days off. It will give me something to do in the evenings and pursue something that has been in the back of my head for about two years now. Then, I’ll work towards my MBA. And we’ll see where that takes me.
Life is funny… to see where everyone ends up. I would have never thought that I would end up in , for college or for my life. But I’ve been to other cities and there’s always a feeling that I get when I come back to . That it’s home. I don’t know if I would feel that with any other city, and some might say that I haven’t ventured out much to know. But I do know that home is where the heart is, as cheesy as it sounds, but my family is here- the most important links- and I will say that is a nice place to grow up.
My friends are scattered all over the . Some are planning on moving again to start a career; some are looking for careers in new cities. Some are getting married; some are getting divorced.
I can tend to over think too much, which is why it doesn’t surprise me that I’m over thinking the idea of marriage. What it means, if I should even conform to something that is closely associated to religion, and religion being something that I tend to shy away from, not in disdain but perplexity. Why it doesn’t last, wondering if people were too young to take that step or just grew too far apart to mend the broken pieces. Why people choose marriage in the first place over just living together and dealing with not having the title of marriage.
It must be important for people to be in an uproar about wanting the right to marry- which I think everyone should have. And it must be important because this whole wedding day nonsense is what it is- nonsense! I can’t lie- I want a wedding, and a fairy tale day… with some mishaps, I don’t want to be too unrealistic. But when diving into the details- videographers? Tulle? Oh, how I loathe tulle.
I think photographers are the worst, no offense to my wonderful friends that are photographers. I’d hire one of you in a second if I wasn’t concerned with having you enjoy the day versus working… but seriously! I love digital image manipulation, but when it comes to wedding photography, I want the basics. Clean-cut traditional images. I can discolor a flower myself in Adobe… please! Send me normal photographers!
Ahh, venting. I have exactly 9 months from today to do all the venting I want about wedding planning. I think I’d rather plan someone else’s wedding than plan my own. I can think of a zillion ideas for other weddings versus planning something that I’m going to look back on and say, “Yes, I did everything I wanted to” because I know there’s going to be something I forget.
Have I mentioned that my Mom tends to drive me insane these days? God love her, but god love the day the wedding is over!
I don’t know that my life is missing much other than some excitement on the social front. For the past couple of weeks, I’ll look over at the clock when Dan and I are getting ready for bed and sigh- it normally reads before ten o’ clock in the evening. And that’s even on our ‘weekends’ according to our very unstable schedules. While I know it’s healthier for me to get the full eight hours of sleep- and I’m going to be dragging tomorrow because it’s way past my current bed time- and it feels better to get more accomplished during the day, my social life has decreased.
Hopefully it will get better with the arrival of some friends during the Thanksgiving holiday. And especially the Christmas holiday. Morgan owes me a night out when she comes back during the holidays.
But I don’t want married life to be the non-existence of going out with friends and having a good time. I’m not expecting to have children in the next two years much less the next five, so I hope after the wedding… or at least during holiday breaks when my friends should come home more it will pick up.
And yes, my few readers, that is the update for now. Don’t expect too many updates in the next nine months, but I’ll try to keep you informed…
